Why do babies stare at me and cry

In those early days of new parenthood, it's normal to wonder, "Does my baby love me?" Let's be real: Newborns aren't going to give the feedback you might be hoping for after so many sleepless nights. But as you and your baby get acquainted, you'll start to form a special bond, and that can be more meaningful than any big declaration of love.

"Attachment is a process," says Debbie Laible, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Lehigh University in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. As part of that process, when you take care of your baby, they fall more in love with you every day. And while they may not be verbalizing it, babies do say thanks in their own way.

Here are 13 signs that signify that your baby loves you.

"Within a few weeks, babies can recognize their caregiver and they prefer them to other people," says Alison Gopnik, Ph.D., author of The Philosophical Baby and a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. In part, your infant is just following their nose: One 2021 study in Breastfeeding Medicine showed that the smell of a baby's own parent's breast milk was so powerful, that it can help reduce pain.

To help with bonding, it can help to pay attention to your baby's different types of cries. Relentless and desperate wails could mean hunger, abrupt crying might signal pain, and plain tears can point to discomfort. You'll figure it out through trial and error, eventually grasping nuances that will baffle outsiders. The better you know your baby's language, the better you can meet their needs.

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"When a baby's distressed and their parents respond, they learn they can count on [their parents] for comfort and relief and that they matter," says Linda Gilkerson, Ph.D., director of the Irving B. Harris Infant Studies Program at Erikson University.

But don't worry if you can't always nail the wail: "You don't have to be perfect," says Dr. Gilkerson. In fact, she says, research published in Child Development shows that caregivers are in perfect sync with their babies only about 50% of the time.

What's more important than being perfect is learning to recognize and respond when your baby needs you. "Your baby learns, 'I can rely on my parent. Even if I cry for a little bit, they get to me soon enough that I don't fall apart,'" Dr. Gilkerson says.

"Within a month or so of being born, babies respond to the facial expressions of their caregiver, and without thinking about it, the caregiver starts doing it right back," says Dr. Gopnik. We're talking about the smiles, the meaningful looks, the looking away and back again. These goofy games and facial expressions are important in cementing a baby's attachment—just as much as your responses to their physical needs are.

At around 4 months, your baby's favorite view is probably your face. And who could blame them? At that age, your baby is becoming accustomed to life on the outside. They can suck and swallow, and they're physiologically more regulated (no longer eating and sleeping like a jet-lagged traveler), so they pay attention to more than their immediate bodily needs, explains Dr. Gilkerson.

So interact and engage with your baby—and don't be afraid to use exaggerated expressions. "Face-to-face interaction is part of how babies learn about positive give-and-take," says Dr. Gilkerson. Your child is realizing that with a single look, they can show you how happy they are that you're around—and that it's a feeling worth sharing since you'll beam back.

Speaking of smiling, let's talk baby smiles. You know those people who say that your baby's early smiles are just gas or an involuntary reflex? Don't listen to them. Some research now supports the theory that newborns may be flashing real smiles. In fact, those goofy newborn smiles may be your baby reflecting your own smile. But at the very least, they will be instinctively building a bond with you.

The first true social smiles start brightening your days between 6 and 8 weeks. Your baby may smile when they see your face—or another parent or a big sibling's. They're starting to associate your face with feeling good. The bond deepens!

Babies often pick a favorite object, like a stuffed animal or a blankie, at around 1 year old. Dr. Gopnik says that these transitional objects symbolize you and your affection, which explains the drama that could ensue if you—heaven forbid!—put it in the wash for an hour. "It represents your love, but in a way your child can control," she says.

Let your child keep their lovey close in situations where they might feel insecure. Don't worry that there's some set time to get rid of it. Chances are they won't be clutching it when they move out on their own (though, let's be honest, many of us still have Mr. Fuzzybear tucked away somewhere).

Right from birth, a baby can recognize their parent's voice and smell, says Dr. Laible. The next step is linking those sounds and smells with something they can see. That's why they'll start studying your face as if they're trying to memorize it. In a way, they are. They're making sure they know what comfort—and love—look like.

Sometime around 1 year old, babies start giving kisses—and they probably won't be chaste pecks. Expect wet and sloppy ones that land on whatever part of you is closest. This enthusiasm shows they've been paying attention to the way their parent shows affection, and they want to do the same, says Richard Gallagher, Ph.D., director of the Parenting Institute at the NYU Child Study Center in New York City. Babies are eager learners when it comes to physical affection, and there's no one they'd rather practice on than with you.

Many babies adore being held from the start, but it takes about 6 months before they have the physical and cognitive abilities to ask for a pick-me-up. It's a body-language expression of how much they've come to trust and adore their parents. And it can be enough, especially on one of those endless days, to make your heart lurch too.

You'll start seeing this as soon as your baby crawls. "You're your child's warm, cozy, secure base. But they're also thinking 'Hey, wait! I can crawl! I want to get out there and find out what's in the world!'" Dr. Gopnik explains. So they do—until they get insecure and they want to get back to the comfort of their parents.

Freedom to explore—and then bungee back to a safe place—is the reason behind this action, so let your baby do it. Of course, for many parents, it's harder than it sounds. But instead of hovering, put your energies into some extra babyproofing.

The way your baby acts when they see you after a few hours—or a few minutes? You'd be forgiven for thinking you're a bit of a rock star. This glee isn't just cute; it's a sign of the deep attachment that's grown between you.

On the flip side are your baby's wails of distress when you leave. It's part of their development, and they'll learn that you always come back. They understand object permanence now (you exist even when you're not around), so it's rough for them to know that the object of their affection is out there and not with them to snuggle.

Around this age, babies show big emotions, so whether it's heartbreak that you're gone or earthshaking excitement that you're back, one thing is clear: You are loved.

Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery must have known a baby or toddler. Whether they're lugging a briefcase down the stairs or cooing over a baby doll, they're definitely showing how cool they think you are. Like all people—adults included!—little ones imitate the activities and behaviors of the people they love most, says Dr. Laible.

The fact that your child turns to you for comfort—and then dries their eyes and runs off—means they love and need you. Of course, you may also notice even minor accidents can make for big drama when a parent is around to see it. Yes, there's a plea for attention there, but it really makes your baby feel better to get proof that you love them as much as they love you.

What parent hasn't heard "They were an angel!" when picking up a toddler from a sitter, then witnessed less than angelic behavior mere minutes later? Toddlers test limits with abandon—but most often with people they love and trust. This isn't exactly the warmest, fuzziest way your child will say they love you, but that's exactly what they're doing.

"You know you've done your job well if your baby can hold it together in public but saves blowups for you," says Elizabeth Short, Ph.D., professor of developmental psychology at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. "Your baby knows that you're safe—they can act up and you'll still love them." You may never welcome a meltdown, but at least you can stop thinking your thrashing, screaming toddler is out to get you.

Starting around their first birthday, and often continuing until they're 3 years old, your child may get upset when you leave—and rejoice when you return. "Separation anxiety is a sign your child knows that the person they love is different from others, and they're beginning to have object permanence—an understanding that people and things don't disappear the minute they're out of sight," says Dr. Gilkerson.

In tough moments, offer reassurance. Say "I know you'll miss me, but Ms. Rosie will take great care of you and I'll be back to pick you up." Rest assured that they'll be fine, says Dr. Gopnik, and know that you're teaching them to count on you to come back to them later.