How to make your boyfriend feel loved and appreciated

This article was co-authored by Elvina Lui, MFT. Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model. This article has been viewed 255,868 times.

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Updated: August 3, 2020

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The idea that it is a guy's job to make a woman feel special (and not the other way around) is very out of date. Today, it's normal for both partners to share the affection in a relationship. While every guy is different, there are a few basic things you can do to remind almost any special man how important he is to you. Surprise your partner with these ideas to show you care!

1
Compliment the special guy. Men like feeling like they've affected their partner in a positive way. If your guy goes out of his way to do something for you, don't let it go unnoticed! Compliment your special man. Let him know you notice his efforts and that he means the world to you.[1] X Research source Go to source
- Try to be genuine with your compliments. It's usually easy to tell when a compliment isn't sincere, so don't risk having this happen between you and your man. Giving him just a few genuine compliments is better than giving lots of forgettable ones.[2] X Research source Go to source
- Another way to compliment your man is simply to give him your attention. Focusing on him (especially when you're talking with each other) shows that he is important to you.
2
Treat him to something you know he likes. No one knows your special man better than you, so pick a fun activity that you're sure he loves. He will definitely appreciate your gesture. If you're feeling especially generous, you can even treat him to an entire night that's all about him. For example, you might try cooking him dinner — his favorite meal would be a good choice. You can put on his favorite songs while you eat together, then watch his favorite film together after that. Little details like this can really make him feel special.
- Turning a small gift into a surprise can make it even more amazing. For example, try slipping tickets to his favorite sports team into his hands when both of you are having dinner. The gifts can be inexpensive, but with the effort that goes into planning a great surprise, they'll make him feel like a million bucks.[3] X Research source Go to source
- If you treat your man to a night out, don't be afraid to pay — it's not a guy's duty to pay for his lady every single time. This being said, you don't need to spend a lot of money to make him feel special.
3
Be generous with your affection. Tell your special guy that you love him. Treat him to lots of hugs, kisses, and snuggling — whatever you know he likes. Remind him that he's the perfect one for you and that you couldn't ask for anyone better. If he knows you're being sincere, this will make him feel special.
- If you're trying to make your man feel special, try not to be overly critical. If he makes a minor mistake, let it go. Bringing it up during a romantic day together can kill the mood. On the other hand, if he does or says something that's cruel or seriously disrespectful, you don't need to stay silent just because you were trying to make him feel good.
4

Look your best. A good relationship is about much more than physical appearances, but it doesn't hurt to look amazing! Your special guy will be proud to be around such a great-looking partner when both of you go out together. Dress up, smell great, and you'll look fab in his arms. Each time one of his friends or colleagues drops his jaw in awe of you, your man will be proud that he's dating a girl who's as gorgeous and awesome as you.
5
Flirt with him. Guys love to feel loved and desired. One great way to do this is to flirt with him as if you were just getting to know each other — even if you've been together for years. There are lots of ways to do this.[4] X Research source Go to source You can compliment his looks, give him little shows of affection and then play "hard to get," or even gently tease him. Again, however, being genuine is crucial.
- Need some flirty ideas to get you started? See our article on flirting for easy instructions.
6
Stroke his ego. Men love it when their partner makes them feel strong and important. You can do this by giving him chances to "prove himself." It may sound silly, but even asking your man to help with things you could probably do yourself can work here. For example, getting him to help change the light bulb or open a jar of pickles can make him feel like a valued provider.
- Some men may not pick up on your gesture right away, so give him a compliment as he finishes the task. Even something as simple as "How strong!" accompanied by a kiss on the cheek can get the point across.
EXPERT TIP

"While individuals vary, generally speaking, males have a greater need to feel respected while females have a greater need to be adored."

Elvina Lui, MFT
Relationship Expert
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.

Elvina Lui, MFT
Relationship Expert
7
Show your affection through touch. Subtle touches can be better for communicating your love than words. Start by touching him casually whenever the opportunity presents itself. For instance, if he says something you disagree with, you can shove him playfully and say "Shut up!" As you spend more time together, touch him more often and in more intimate ways. Touch his shoulders and chest if you're standing up. Touch his leg if you're sitting down. Let your hand linger for a few seconds before taking it away. Start hugging him to greet him and say goodbye. Finally, if you're ready to move into serious territory, you can kiss him.[5] X Research source Go to source
- Whenever you touch, make sure you really mean it — a forced, insincere touch won't make him feel special.
- The "limit" on your touching should be whatever you and your special guy are comfortable with. Don't feel pressured to move too fast. Stick to physical shows of affection that don't leave you uneasy and allow your relationship to progress naturally.

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1
Be yourself. Nothing makes a guy feel special like showing him your true self. This is especially true if you don't normally show it to other people. Be silly, be strange, be wild — whatever you feel like being! This shows how comfortable you feel around him, which in turn will make him lower his guard as well.
- Timing is important here. While you should start to lower your guard once it's clear that you like each other, you shouldn't immediately start launching into your most bizarre habits. This can be confusing. Instead, introduce these things gradually so you both have a chance to get used to each others' true selves.
2
Be confident. Ironically, believing in yourself can make your special guy feel more valued. Don't feel nervous or pressured to make your man feel special. Instead, stay relaxed and casual. Be friendly and act genuinely interested in what he has to say, but don't, for instance, force yourself to laugh at a joke you don't find funny. Try to keep eye contact with him when you're having a conversation. Smile when he makes you feel good. These simple gestures show him that you're confident in your own skin and confident loving him.
- On the other hand, avoiding eye contact, staring at your feet, or nervously hanging on his every word will get the opposite result. Guys sometimes aren't the best at reading other peoples' emotions, so being nervous, timid, or quiet can make it seem like there's something wrong with him.
3
Stand up for your man. Guys are often pressured to act strong and hyper-confident, so being able to take some of this burden off his shoulders can be greatly appreciated. For example, if someone in public disrespects him or is rude, you don't have to meekly stand by and wait for him to handle it. Feel free to stand up for him with your words and actions. This will make him feel like you are willing to go out of your way to protect him, which shows how much you care about him.
4
Give him your support when he's down. Guys sometimes don't get lots of opportunities to express anxieties and feelings of vulnerability. They often feel pressure to act like nothing ever worries them. They may even have been taught that showing vulnerability (through fear, crying, etc.) is a sign of weakness. You know better, so make sure he knows that you'll always be there for him. Let him know that, around you, he doesn't have to be strong all of the time. Offering a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on when things are not going well for him can make him feel like the most special guy in the world.
- Some men may not take every opportunity to share their fears and anxieties with you. Try not to feel unwanted if he pretends that everything is fine when it's obviously not. Offering your help (even if he declines it) shows that you care about him and are always eager to help him. Be ready to support him when he does ask for your help.