Why do people like hickeys

Ever found an angry, purple mark on your neck after a particularly enthusiastic makeout session? We've all been there, left to wonder what is a hickey, anyway? How long will it last? And how do I get rid of it? Or maybe in this moment, you’re less concerned with getting rid of your hickey as you are in understanding how to give someone a hickey in turn.

The truth is, hickeys are really no big deal. There’s never any reason to shame someone for having a hickey — like all forms of consensual sexual behavior, you don't have to justify someone making out with your neck — but the paradox of the hickey is that it takes something private and creates a public, lingering effect. Nothing feels more right in the moment, but walking through the next few days with it displayed on your neck can be surreal. Suddenly, your private life becomes public. I was once a part of an act of passion, it screams, and now I’m just in math class.

After math class, you could even find yourself seated across the dinner table from your father who, after catching sight of the damage, blurts out in earnest: “Did you fall on your neck?” (Not speaking from experience here.)

Whether your goal is to avoid hickeys, also called “love bites,” entirely or simply give the best ones possible, we’ve rounded up all you need to know about hickeys below. 

In this article, you’ll find:

What Is a Hickey Anyway?

How to Give Someone a Hickey

How to Get Rid of a Hickey, Fast

What Is a Hickey Anyway? 5 Things to Know

1. A hickey is really just a bruise.

Hickeys are basically just broken blood vessels caused by sucking, which results in a bruise. Though a bit of biting or hard kissing could contribute to getting a hickey, sucking is generally the culprit here, since it’s more likely to burst your skin’s tiny capillaries. It doesn’t take long to get a hickey — 20 to 30 seconds of targeted sucking can do the trick — and they often appear quickly, too. You might be surprised to emerge from a makeout session to the sight of a visible hickey as soon as five to 10 minutes later! Hickeys are also most likely to occur on softer, more sensitive skin like the neck, shoulders, and chest, though you can technically get a hickey anywhere.

2. Most hickeys look pretty similar.

What does a hickey look like, you ask? Generally after getting a hickey, the blood under the skin is dark red at first. Once it dries out, though, it turns to a darker purple or brown color, creating the marks we know and love (or hate, whatever). As your hickey begins to heal, it may take on a yellowish color, typical of most bruises. (And if you’re wondering “how long do hickeys last?” we’ll get to that below.)

As far as size goes, it probably isn’t a surprise that most hickeys are mouth-sized and shaped. Meaning? They’re ovular, and they aren’t necessarily all that large. Sometimes, you might get more than one hickey at a time. That can give you the appearance of having a larger hickey on the neck, for instance, since your love bites are likely to be clustered together.

3. They can last as long as two weeks.

There’s surprisingly little research done on hickeys, but the general consensus is that they rarely last longer than two weeks, with many hickeys clearing up within just a few days. How long the mark stays on a person is up to the types of hickeys at play (read: the harshness level of the suction involved) and the health of the person affected. The more intense the hickey, the longer it’ll stick around, while the healthier the person is (think: well-hydrated, good circulation, enough iron), the shorter the hickey’s time on earth.

4. They can show up at any age.

The neck, the shoulders, and the chest are seriously sensitive to touch, meaning that being kissed there feels pretty incredible. When you’re newer to kissing and still finetuning how to give the Perfect Neck Kiss™, you’re more likely to be a little aggressive with your mouth, which is why hickeys tend to show up more on younger or newer kissers. With substantial practice and the right partners, your kissing will probably ease into a less hickey-centric mode. That said, especially if you’re someone who really appreciates a good necking, the occasional love bite can show up at any age.

5. Hickeys are seriously no big deal.

Ultimately, if you have a hickey that you were given in a consensual way, you just have a bruise, and it’s probably going to be gone in a few days. So try not to stress about it if you're feeling worried! Likewise, if you’ve given someone a hickey they wanted (more on that below), as long as you’re both committed to keeping the situation as respectful as possible, it’s all good.

How to Give Someone a Hickey

Giving someone a hickey is, really, pretty simple. After first asking if your makeout partner is comfortable with receiving a souvenir mark — particularly a visible one — warm up their neck or the intended site of the hickey with some long kisses. Then, put your lips against their skin and form an “O” with your mouth. Draw in your breath and suck; it should create a bit of a vacuum effect. Teeth aren’t needed to cause a hickey — suction alone will do it — but you can mix in a bit of light biting and nibbling here if your partner is interested in that. After about 20 to 30 seconds of uninterrupted suction, you’re likely to have visible hickey results within the next few minutes.

Considering a hickey is really just a bruise created by someone sucking on your skin so hard that it becomes discolored, it’s a wonder that the hickey has become as synonymous with passionate making out as it has. But weird behind-the-scenes science aside, it tracks. A hickey is like post sex glow, but for making out! Like many things you first hear about in middle school (dry humping, hand jobs, etc.), hickies might’ve gotten more play as you were younger but they’re still noteworthy even as an adult.

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A hickey is a statement! Sure, you can cover it up with a turtleneck or some concealer, but the whole allure of a hickey is leaving a temporary mark on your lover as a reminder of the hot and heavy passion between the both of you recently.

And while you may have heard of hickies referred to as “love bites” sometimes, there’s actually no biting involved in giving or getting a hickey. Sure, you can incorporate some light biting or nibbling, but getting the textbook image of a lil mark on someone’s neck involves suction that causes small blood vessels to burst — you’re not actually drawing blood through the skin with your teeth.

How to give a hickey, in the most basic sense:

• Get your partner’s consent. A hickey requires effort to cover it up, so if they’re not down to don a turtleneck in hot weather or slather on a whole stick of concealer every day for their daily Zoom work check in to cover it up, refrain.
• While making out, suck on your partner’s neck, creating a bit of suction with your lips so it feels like a vacuum.
• Step back and admire your work.
  

Now that you’ve got the actual DIY down, here’s some more context on the hickey, the history behind the word, advanced variations (if you and your partner are so inclined), and more. Read on for Hickey 101.

Some history:

The word “hickey” didn’t enter the English language until 1934, explains Jill McDevitt, PhD, resident sexologist at CalExotics, although the act was around way before then—even being mentioned as something to avoid unless you wanted to punish your partner in the Kama Sutra. But nowadays, hickeys are more often given as a point of pride rather than a punishment.

How does a hickey happen? By using your lips as suction, they become like a vacuum, which bursts the small capillaries under your skin, releasing blood and creating a bruise, McDevitt explains.

Where can you give or get a hickey?

While the most common spot you might see or get a hickey is on your neck, you could technically give one anywhere—including your partner’s genitals. Intimacy coach Shasta Townsend once discovered penis hickeys accidentally, and since incorporating them into her sex life regularly, she says her partner would walk through fire for a penis hickey. Your mileage may vary, of course, so talk it over with your partner first, but if you’re curious: It’s similar to a neck hickey. You simply suck on the head of their penis, placing the head right against the tip of your mouth, create a seal, and suck (no bobbing up and down, you wanna stay in one place) until after they’ve orgasmed. Townsend says that not only are penis hickeys more uncommon, but it’s also a cool feeling to feel so powerful afterward as the giver.

Private hickeys, like penis hickeys or ones on your chest, breasts, or belly, can also act as a sort of sexual souvenir, explains McDevitt. “Long after the sexual encounter is over, the marks remind you of it,” she says.

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