Why do guys hate valentines day

Spending on Valentine’s Day has increased, but American’s aren’t in love with the holiday like they were before the recession, according to data from the National Retail Federation.

The average person plans to spend $130.97 on gifts for their loved ones, which is up from $126.03 last year. Total spending on the holiday will hit $18.6 billion.

“Valentine’s Day remains one of the biggest gift-giving holidays of the year, and although consumers will be conscientious with their spending, it’s great to see that millions of Americans are still looking forward to celebrating with their loved ones,” said NRF President and CEO Matthew Shay in a statement from the company.

Despite the increase in spending, the participation levels still remain below pre-recession levels.

Sixty percent of American consumers said they would be celebrating Valentine’s Day, which is a three-percentage point drop from 2009. Participation hit 58 percent in 2011, the lowest in nine years.

Men plan to spend about $175.61 on gifts this Valentine’s Day while women are planning nearly half, spending only $88.78 this year.

Consumers sounded off in a recent piece in on Time.com.

“Guys seem to spend handsomely mainly to avoid being in the doghouse with their partner,” Kit Yarrow, chair of the psychology department at Golden Gate University, said in her Time.com article. “When I asked eight middle-aged, married businessmen at a Toronto airport lounge about Valentine’s Day gifts for their wives, there were groans and eye rolls all around. Yet all were of the opinion that a gift was obligatory. ‘Just to make sure’ was the most common reason given for buying a gift.”

Though others are even more annoyed by the romantic holiday, they still participate.

“It’s a rip-off holiday,” one man said. “They jack up the prices at all the restaurants, flowers, everything is more expensive.” So will he be giving something to his wife of 20-plus years on Valentine’s Day? Of course! “I’ll get her something to wear, I guess.”

There are ways to enjoy Valentine’s Day without dipping into your savings accounts.

A recent article in the Deseret News outlines 14 ways you can save money on the upcoming holiday.

Some of the suggestions include visiting local landmarks, having a karaoke night or going ice skating.

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At dinner with a friend’s middle school tween, I asked what he had in store for Valentine’s Day. The eighth grader planned to give a special red note to his newly beloved girlfriend (of six weeks). Ah, to be young and not jaded.

Most men absolutely loathe Valentine’s Day. I decided to poll my male friends and find out where the hatred lies. As a service to all you guys out there (and, more importantly, a lesson for the gals) here’s some insight on why dudes despise V-Day, straight from the mouths of men:

On Romance –

It's romantic amateur night. You can't replace true romance with an overpriced prix fixe dinner for two and some crappy Safeway flowers. Forced fun (or romance) takes the fun and romance out of the occasion.

I want to be in a quiet, secluded environment where we can share a private moment or two. Not in an environment with me, you, and the couples to the right and left.

Why do I have to wait for a specific day in the year to show you I care via chocolate or flowers? If that’s what it takes to show you my feelings, then there is something really wrong in our relationship. 

On Spending Money –

I hate it because of the price gouging. Restaurants totally cash in. They either make the meals ridiculously more expensive than on an average night, or they make the meal prix fixe (which is just code word for less food and quality for the same amount of money).

I hate running around trying to find flowers at the different shops. I end up spending time going from one store to the next looking for anything that isn't already half-dead and paying a premium just to save face. Can you imagine if I came home with a dozen eggs that were beginning to rot and telling you that I paid a premium for them? You would think I was crazy. 

I'm not into spending cash on things with little utility or that expire, like flowers and super expensive dinners and shiny pieces of jewelry. When I drop $50-60 on flowers, I think of all the things I can do with my special someone instead. This is in addition to the $200 dinner I'm about to take her out on.

Most couples would be smart to make an agreement. Certainly get a card. Roses? No. Jewelry? Not necessary. Restaurant? Sure, but someplace modest. We have enough awesome grocery stores in SF where you could get something decadent and cook at home.

Seriously, nothing says I love you more than a cheesy card and a gag gift. Skip all the expensive crap.

On Relationships –

I don't want to feel like I need to measure up to other couples. If you cared for me as much as I do for you, then what other people are doing is inconsequential. 

Let's be truthful - you change your mind about what you like and don't like on regular basis. One day, Gucci, the next, a simple pair of flip-flops. It’s hard enough to keep pace with your moods and desires, but on Valentine's Day we’re supposed to be tuned in completely? 

How did Valentine's Day turn unilateral?  If it’s a day to appreciate our love for "each other," why is it completely geared towards you? I certainly don't want flowers, but I'd love it if you wrote me a poem or framed a photograph. Why don't you get crazy and paint me a painting. Anything that shows you care for me too.

Why is it that I get no credit when I cook you dinner, rub your feet, buy you flowers, or take you on weekend trips throughout the year? This is all disregarded once Valentine's Day comes around. If a company was measured by a single day's performance they would all be bankrupt yet men are made to feel just that on Valentine's Day.

I hate being told when I need to act ridiculously lovey-dovey. If you’re in a great relationship, every day is Valentine’s Day (at a much lower cost!)

There is a lot of pressure to "do something" on Valentine’s Day. We like it when WE think of it, rather than being told by some stupid Hallmark holiday that we HAVE to do it.

I personally dislike because my long term relationship with the same man is not considered legal or moral; yet, straight couples can relish in the day and make fools of themselves and it is considered sweet and loving.

Well, there you have it. Have an opinion? Let us know in the comments below. And to the contrary, not all men hate Valentine’s Day, like this one gentleman (who’s already taken, FYI):

I think it's a great date night, always great sex! And, always a great meal before. It's a wonderful way to reinforce the bond with your partner. Serious pampering is for birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. And, I buy my lady flowers almost every week. We love it.

@marypolizzotti

Media Platforms Design Team

There's this misconception that whenever Valentine's Day rolls around, guys freak out or fake their own deaths just to get out of doing something even moderately romantic for their girlfriends (a person they're supposed to be romancing). Guys aren't supposed to be romantic. They're supposed to be oblivious assholes who would rather watch The Big Game than go out on a nice date. Because apparently we draw all our stereotypes from sitcoms on old Nick-at-Nite reruns.

The truth is, guys don't really hate Valentine's Day. Sure, it's a made-up holiday and, depending on the expectations being set, it might mean we can't get away with using our Red Lobster gift certificate that night. But it could also reasonably be called "National Sex Day." It's pretty minimal effort and a chance to be romantic. Even if a guy isn't into it, at worst, it's just a few steps out of his comfort zone.

And I know guys who straight-up love Valentine's Day. They go all out. They do the rose petals leading to the bedroom. They have eight different surprises and chocolate-enrobed strawberries. They say things like "chocolate-enrobed strawberries" and make any dude considering a table for two at the Olive Garden feel like a doofus. The unlucky rest of us who have no idea how to be romantic don't have it that bad though.

This stuff pretty much falls into our laps. Restaurants have pre-planned romantic menus. Most stores have what might as well be Valentine's survival kits and there are flowers stores everywhere. Hell, you could do most of this stuff online with one hand (I'm not telling you what you can do with the other). Even if you're not a romantic guy, you've got the blueprint right in front of you. As long as you make a reservation somewhere a week in advance and live within 100 miles of a Hallmark store, you're done. Get some nice jewelry too, just to be safe. You don't have to be good at picking it out. It's the thought that counts, etc., etc.

Even if your girlfriend is one of those people who "doesn't want to celebrate Valentine's Day because it's garbage," she'd still appreciate a nice dinner and a back rub or some small gesture of love, and guys love surprising their girlfriends. There is nothing we love more. Other than red meat.

Valentine's Day is the sassy, worldly, knowledgeable, advice-dispensing friend of holidays. We don't need to take the advice, but we know we should. We might be like, "Oh, hey, come on, man. Quit giving me such a hard time." But we really appreciate that it's reminded us we sometimes need to do a little more.

Also, you get candy and sex.

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