Who is brandi carliles mother

When singer Brandi Carlile ("The Story") and her wife Catherine Shepherd became parents, they quickly found that, especially for LGBTQ+ parents, there is no manual and "everything is a lesson."

In a new essay for Parents Magazine, Carlile, 39, writes about raising daughters Evangeline, 6, and Elijah, 2, with Shepherd and wanting to be a part of representing and building a history she didn't have for other LGBTQ+ parents who come after her.

Brandi Carlile, pictured here with wife Catherine Shepherd and their daughters Evangeline and Elijah, said that "when same-sex parents are honest with ourselves, we worry deep down that we are depriving our children of a gendered experience. We have to work too hard to overcome it — that's a little planted seed we can now uproot." Steve Granitz / WireImage

Carlile and Shepherd conceived Evangeline through IVF, Carlile wrote, by harvesting Carlile's eggs and having Shepherd carry the pregnancy. Right away, she said, it was "complicated."

"I didn't know who I was supposed to be in this equation. I knew I wasn't 'Dad,' but I wasn't pregnant either," Carlile wrote. "Catherine was uncomfortable with all the things that were happening to her body, and the whole concept felt so foreign to us."

Carlile wrote that she missed having a point of reference for what parenthood might look like for her and Shepherd.

"There's some serious pioneering involved here," she said. "I wish there had been more for me to read or to absentmindedly absorb through TV sitcoms, movies, and ads — things that could have prepared me for the strangeness of being wholly responsible for a child without much representation or mirror to show me what it would look like."

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Even determining what Evangeline would call them was a dilemma. "What did we even want to be called?" Carlile wrote. "Someone wise, an older lesbian who’d raised her kids and has a whole bunch of grandkids at this point, told me that no matter what your children call you, even if they use the same name for you and your partner, you’ll know who they’re talking to by their voice."

This turned out to be true for Carlile and Shepherd. "Our kids know us ... like, really know us. We are learning about ourselves through them. They’re the teachers," she wrote. "I’m Mama, and Catherine is Mummy. The girls decided that on their own, probably based on what we call our own mothers.”

But although the beginning of their parenting journey often felt, Carlile said, "a little like walking out onto thin ice, blindfolded," they have figured it out together and with the help and support of their friends.

By the time Shepherd gave birth to younger daughter Elijah through artificial insemination (IUI), the two "felt like pros!" Carlile wrote. "We were ready for the birth and we had our different but complementing baby skills nailed down and ready for the big arrival. I never felt a pang of the anxiety, guilt, or confusion that we wrestled with the first time."

Carlile and Shepherd parent by instinct now, Carlile said, and each takes the tasks and roles that come more naturally to her. "I’m definitely in charge of splinter removal, and I take on discipline more than I thought I would," she wrote. "I was always such a cool auntie that I never expected to be such a strict mom."

After their experience, the singer said she has a wish for LGBTQ+ families who are "treading out on the ice":

"Keep on moving the world forward and being honest about your family and your experience. Be clear and vocal about the importance of cultural representation."

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Jan. 6, 202102:02

Brandi Carlile and her wife of more than eight years, Catherine Shepherd, are raising two young daughters in rural Washington State — but when things get a bit hectic, they've got family and friends nearby to help.

Truly, the couple don't have to go far to see some of their loved ones: Carlile's bandmates — two of whom are married to Carlile and Shepherd's siblings — live so close by that their homes essentially form a small compound.

"Everybody teased, 'Brandi's forming a cult.' Next thing I knew, the people I work with were here. And we've married into each other's families," Carlile says in a Q&A that follows an essay she penned for Parents magazine's February 2020 issue.

Carlile, Shepherd and their kids live in a log cabin the singer bought when she was 21 years old, and her bandmate Phil Hanseroth and his wife Tiffany, who is Carlile's sister, live next door with their two children.

Nearby — close enough to get there via ATV, according to the artist — are Tim Hanseroth, Phil's twin and another of Carlile's bandmates, his wife and their two kids, as well as Carlile's cello player, Josh Neumann, and his wife Sarah, who is Catherine's sister. The couple welcomed a baby girl in November.

"You get so tired of your own cooking — so, say it's Josh and Sarah's night to cook. We can go to each other's houses. We have a garden that we all can work in. We built a deck and put in an above-ground pool. We've done all kinds of projects together — anything to keep ourselves busy," Carlile says. "Everyone helps the kids with learning. It's a community-based effort."

Victoria Kovios for 'Parents'

This "it takes a village" parenting style has proven beneficial for Carlile and Shepherd, who, as two gay women, do not have the benefits of generations of institutional parenting wisdom and knowledge that straight parents, especially those in heterosexual relationships, do.

Notes Carlile, "It might not feel radical to talk about LGBTQ+ parenting right now, but over the arc of history, gay domesticity is a radically new concept."

"There's some serious pioneering involved here," she writes. "Now I want to be a part of building some of that history for other LGBTQ+ parents."

"For my wife and me, every part of our emergence into the world of parenting was intentional and always felt a little like walking out onto thin ice, blindfolded," the singer-songwriter adds. "To my immense relief and delight, Catherine and I found a total abundance of support from our friends and family around us who had kids. It felt like joining some kind of a club. It actually made me feel cooler."

Carlile and Shepherd conceived their first child, Evangeline, who was born in 2014, via in vitro fertilization (IVF). Daughter Elijah, born in 2018, was conceived via artificial insemination. Shepherd carried both children.

Country Music's Greatest Love Stories:

Featured Outlaw: Brandi Carlile – That Will Be MeKaty HelgesonJune 22, 2019December 28, 2020

Photo courtesy of Warner Music Group FEATURED OUTLAW

By doing things differently, the rock-folk phenom is doing what she always wanted. And becoming a superstar.

BY JOSEPH T. O’CONNOR

Brandi Carlile sounds rested. It’s her third day off in a row, something that hasn’t happened in the months following her monumental performance of the hit single “The Joke,” which she played on stage after accepting three Grammy awards in February.

Since then, her life has been a cascade of concerts, interviews, TV gigs and fanfare. She appeared in Bradley Cooper’s film A Star is Born and released a new video of the song “The Mother” just ahead of Mother’s Day weekend in May. It’s to be expected. After all, these are the days of a rising star.

And while they have been “insanely busy,” she says, on this warm spring morning Carlile is relaxing at her home in rural Maple Valley, Washington, about 45 minutes southeast of Seattle. She’s settling into a quieter life for now.

“I’m just getting into the routine of waking up and feeling normal,” says the 38-year-old mother of two daughters.

As we chat, 4-year-old Evangeline is playing with a water pitcher while Elijah, 14 months, casually munches edible flowers that
Brandi and her wife, Catherine, planted on the deck to garnish Shirley Temples and salads. Carlile talks about her dad, who she’s bringing to Montana’s Peak to Sky concert in early July for his 60th birthday. She discusses a happy life and how she finds balance.

“My individuality has become more important to me,” she says, “and assimilation has become less important to me since my kids were born.”

Most mornings at home, the kids wake Carlile and she heads to the porch, coffee in hand, to gaze at Tiger Mountain. But even in the tranquil beauty of the Cascade foothills, she stays busy. On today’s agenda? Get outside and play with her latest toy: a 4-ton John Deere excavator.

“I could stay on that thing all day long and not even know what hit me,” she says. “Today I’m gonna build a fire pit.”

Later in the afternoon, she’ll mulch the fruit trees outside the cabin she bought 17 years ago, then water the plants and fry up sea bass for dinner. This is how Brandi Carlile relaxes.

“…Something about her shifted from promise to absolute certainty as Carlile let loose a hurricane of lung power.”

By the age of 7 Carlile was already performing. Her mother, Teresa Carlile, was a country music singer and would invite Brandi and her two siblings, brother Jay and sister Tiffany, to sing with her on stage. Her father was a bit of an outlier himself, she says. “I’m sure I was already absorbing and gleaning some of those thoughts and habits at a really young age.”

Carlile taught herself guitar and piano and later dropped out of high school to pursue her musical career, singing backup for an Elvis impersonator and busking in downtown Seattle pizza shops and beer joints.

When she met Phil and Tim Hanseroth, twin-brother musicians from Seattle, Carlile was coming into her own. They began gigging together and in 2005, at the age of 24, Carlile released her self-titled debut album with the twins. But it was the title track from her 2007 album The Story that caught fire. The song was featured in commercials for General Motors and at the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, and subsequently played on the TV show, Grey’s Anatomy. The record saw Carlile emerging with an explosive voice and a penchant for writing raw, blistering lyrics about realities she believes in: the underdog, redemption, empathy, forgiveness, authenticity.

“…Something about her shifted from promise to absolute certainty as Carlile let loose a hurricane of lung power,” one reviewer wrote in Paste magazine.

Since The Story, Carlile has been on an ever-rising trajectory, collaborating on projects with Pearl Jam’s Mike McCready, Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl and comedian Will Farrell, among scores of others. She’s close with Sir Elton John and former President Barack Obama named “The Joke” among his favorite songs of 2017.

Carlile’s packed summer schedule includes the Bonnaroo and Telluride music festivals, and dozens of concerts across the nation. And she’s playing a July 6 show in Big Sky, Montana, called Peak to Sky, with a few close friends: Pearl Jam’s McCready, Chad Smith and Josh Klinghoffer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Taylor Hawkins of Foo Fighters and Duff McKagan of Guns N’ Roses. In September, she’s headlining Madison Square Garden.

The once-self-proclaimed shy girl from Ravensdale, Washington, has let loose her tenacious spirit. As country music legend Brenda Lee said in a video to Carlile: “Forget about the prom, girl. You are the prom.”

“People can do more for their fellow human beings with their hands and with their minds than they can with their money.”

A love for performing has held Carlile in the spotlight her entire life, but as the crowds have grown, so has the pressure. “Entertaining a room, getting a laugh, affecting someone emotionally, inciting empathy,” she says, “all that stuff that comes with entertainment that’s so fun, so emotionally exhausting, has to be balanced by my love of nature. I’m pretty much always fishing.”

In August 2016, Carlile played a sold-out show at Missoula, Montana’s Big Sky Brewing Co. but barely made it through the piercing pain in her back. After a chiropractor tended to her at the show, she had to cancel the tail end of the tour.

To distract herself, Carlile fished her way through the Mountain West, from Montana to Wyoming, Idaho, Utah and Colorado. “It cleared my mind of all the anxiety and the stress of not being able to do my job properly. I made this decision … to every day get up, hire a fishing guide and go fly fish a river: the Blackfoot, the Bitterroot, the Gallatin, the Smith. It was epic.”

Carlile also finds passion and balance through the nonprofit she started with the Hanseroth twins in 2007. Called the Looking Out Foundation, and directed by her wife Catherine, the organization aims to empower the voiceless and backs causes that include gender equality, human and civil rights, education, the arts and children from war-torn nations. Donations help, Carlile says, but boots on the ground are better.

“People can do more for their fellow human beings with their hands and with their minds than they can with their money,” she says.“We don’t believe the great American dollar is the savior of the world.”

Relating to the marginalized in society is something Carlile believes deep in her core. “The Joke” is about the kids (and others) who feel left behind in today’s world and Carlile belts it out with a conviction rarely seen these days. She sees winning at the Grammy Awards as a victory for entire groups of people.

At the 61st Grammys in February, Brandi Carlile put on an inspired performance deemed among the best in the history of the awards. Having just won three Grammys for “The Joke” and her sixth studio album, By the Way, I Forgive You, Carlile took the stage in a black-sequined jacket with her guitar, the twins and the band. It was a moment, the kind you see when someone lays it on the line. Call it the zone, call it Zen, call it flow.

“I felt like I had snuck into the party through the backdoor and that I was being given a chance to just wear my heart on my sleeve,” Carlile told me in May. “I felt like that performance was just, emotionally, as an uncool kid, a complete victory lap and I just let it rip, you know? I just let it rip.”

Joseph T. O’Connor is the editor-in-chief of Mountain Outlaw magazine.