What moral decision teenagers may have to make?

From getting beyond drunk at a friend’s party, to some seriously questionable outfit choices, teenagers often do things that seem outlandishly stupid. But we now know why: the areas of the brain that control decision-making don’t fully develop until early adulthood.

A teen’s developing brain places them at greater risk of being reactive in their decision-making, and less able to consider the consequences of their choices. So how can parents help their teenagers learn and apply good decision-making skills?

The difference between what teenagers know and do

Most children demonstrate an understanding of “right” and “wrong” behaviour from an early age. As language develops, children are able to give clear reasons as to why certain behaviours are undesirable.

But children and teenagers have been found to be poor decision-makers if they feel pressured, stressed or are seeking attention from peers.

So it’s reasonable to expect a 15-year-old to know they should not steal. But they are less adept at choosing not to steal in the presence of coaxing peers whom they wish to impress.

The difference between what teenagers know and what they choose can be explained in terms of “cold” and “hot” situations. Cold situations are choices made during times of low emotional arousal. During these periods, teenagers are able to make well-reasoned and rational decisions.

Hot situations refer to choices during periods of high emotional arousal (feeling excited, anxious, or upset).

Hot situations increase the chance of teenagers engaging in risk-taking and sensation-seeking behaviours, with little self-control or consideration of the possible consequences of their actions.

The impact of emotional arousal on decision-making explains why teenagers might discuss, for example, the negative consequences associated with drinking and drug-taking, but then engage in those very behaviours when with friends.

The biology of bad decision making in teens

Brain studies show the frontal lobe – which is responsible for decision-making, impulse control, sensation-seeking, emotional responses and consequential thinking – does not finish developing until our early-to-mid 20s.

The relationship between brain development and the risk of making poor choices, particularly during hot situations, is referred to as psychosocial maturity.

Research has shown youth aged 12 to 17 years are significantly less psychosocially mature than 18 to 23 years who are also less psychosocially mature than adults (24 and older).

Overall, teenagers’ psychosocial immaturity makes them more likely to:

• seek excitement and engage in risk-taking behaviour

• make choices on impulse

• focus on short-term gains

• have difficulty delaying gratification

• be susceptible to peer pressure

• fail to anticipate consequences of their choices.

Helping teenagers make good decisions

Gradual increases in autonomy and practice with independent decision-making are vital for teenagers to become confident adults with good emotional and social well-being. Although parents know poor choices are part of becoming an adult, most want to protect their teenager from making very serious, or illegal, choices.

Good decision-making skills can be learned, and there are six key steps parents can employ to encourage better teen decision-making:

1. Be aware of upcoming events that may present teenagers with decisions that need to be made. Listen to their expectations about the events (such as whether they expect to drink alcohol)

2. Present scenarios which may present a risk, or will require a decision (such as missing the train home, friends becoming intoxicated) to explore healthy, or safer choices

3. Encourage your teenager to stop and think. Help them recognise “when in the moment” to temporarily remove themselves from a situation to help them make decisions away from direct pressures (go to the bathroom, make a phone call, text a friend)

4. Provide a decision-making compass. Although teenagers are not able to consider all of the potential consequences of a situation, to check whether a decision is a good one, get them to consider whether they would tell you about their decision (“would I want mum/dad/grandma/grandpa to know about what I’m about do?”)

5. Remind teenagers to ask for help. They don’t have to make choices alone. Ensure they save contact details of people who can be available to talk through options if they’re in a difficult situation (siblings, parents, or extended family)

6. Use mistakes as learning opportunities. Teenagers may make some wrong choices. Use these lived experiences to generate discussion about where the decision making went wrong, and how to make better choices in the future.

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How much do adults really understand about the tough decisions teens have to make on a daily basis? What happens when teens stop and reflect on the situations they face, or when they think through the ethical ramifications before deciding how to act? 

Making Caring Common (MCC) explored this landscape last month with #YouthChoices, a first-of-its kind social campaign by MCC and its Youth Advisory Board (YAB). Teenaged members of the YAB and their peers posted on Twitter and Instagram about social and ethical challenges they struggle with at school, at home, or with friends. (Read and view the social postings to see what teens are facing.)

Navigating Teen Choices• Empower teens as ethical actors• Help them explore bullying’s subtext• Think: Is the “right thing” the thing to do now?• Be a role model: Talk about your choices

• Talk ethics across the curriculum

“We wanted to hear from the Youth Advisory Board about what an ethical dilemma even means to them,” says Luba Falk Feigenberg, the project’s coordinator at MCC. “There are typical themes that cut across all of the dilemmas the Youth Advisory Board members shared about relationships and loyalty and rules, but the examples that they gave — of drinking and texting and racism and homophobia and transphobia and ableism —  we wouldn’t have known how to put together.”

The goal wasn’t to offer answers; it was to prompt teens and adults simply to consider these dilemmas and ask: What’s at stake? How do these decisions relate to my values? Which solutions are tenable?

Feigenberg offers guidelines for how parents and educators can help kids and teens grapple with these and other tough questions they face.

Navigating Teen Choices: How Parents and Teachers Can Help

1. Empower students to be ethical thinkers and decision makers. Parents and teachers often ask kids simply to “tell an adult” if a sticky situation arises. All kids need a helpful and caring mentor, but it can be safer, more productive, and empowering for students to take action on their own or with peers.
2. Highlight the complex roots of bullying. We tend to think of bullying as one teenager harassing another without cause. But Youth Advisory Board members demonstrated that bullying can have an even more serious subtext — sexism, racism, or homophobia, for starters. Adults should underscore that these topics don’t exist in a vacuum and can manifest themselves in everyday comments and actions.
3. Explain that “the right thing” isn’t always so simple. Standing up for your beliefs isn’t always wise — or necessary — in every setting. Should a pro-life man speak his mind in a group of pro-choice women? Should a transgender student advocate for herself even if she feels physically unsafe? Adults should prepare children to critically examine a situation and their own identity in that situation before coming to possible responses.
4. Discuss the ethical problems that you encounter in your own life. Be a role model for children in thinking through difficult decisions. Talk about an uncomfortable situation you witnessed during your day, explain why you chose to speak up — or not — and reflect on whether you will next time.
5. Facilitate conversations across the school day. While history and social studies classes can provide an easy gateway to tough discussions, teachers across disciplines should be ready and willing to talk about ethical dilemmas.

Additional Resources

• Making Caring Common offers resources for schools and parents on bullying prevention, social-emotional learning, teen relationships, and gender bias.

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