What is the most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a parent

Toxic parents verbally and emotionally abuse their children. They impose high expectations and excessive demands and behave in ways that cause guilt, fear, or obligation in their children.

Having a bad day does not make one a bad parent.

Unlike normal parenting behavior, toxic parenting involves patterns of behavior that have a negative impact on child development.

The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements​1​.

These kinds of comments can cause permanent damage to the social, psychological, and emotional growth of a child.

Toxic things Parents Say

Below, are some of the most common toxic statements made by toxic parents.

Criticize the Child’s Appearance

• You are so fat / skinny / short.
• Why do you eat so much? Have you weighed yourself lately?
• When I was your age, I had a 21-inch waist.
•  You could be pretty if you lost some weight.
• What’s wrong with your hair? It’s a mess.
• Nobody likes a fat girl.

Body shaming can have adverse emotional effects, including lowered self-esteem​2​ and the development of mental health struggles such as eating disorders​3​, body image disturbance, body dysmorphic disorder​4​, anxiety​5​, and depression. 

In the long run, poor self-esteem and insecurity will prevent them from building and maintaining healthy relationships​6​.

Belittle the Child

• Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.
• You’re such a disappointment.
• Why did you do that? You’re so stupid.
• You can’t do anything right.
• You’re worthless.
• No one will ever love you.
• You can’t even open a jar. You’re so useless.
• You’re so dumb.
• No man would ever want to marry you.
• I don’t believe a word you say.
• Are you retarded?
• I’m tired of pretending to love you.
• You will amount to nothing
• You will never be able to do it.
• You deserve nothing in life.
• Your brother needed someone to play with, so we made you.

A child’s anxiety negatively influences their perception of themselves and the world. Frequent criticism from parents is linked to the development of anxious children​7​. 

Parental rejection can also lead to self-criticism and depression​8​.

Unhealthy Comparisons

• Why can’t you be more like your cousin?
• Isn’t it amazing how much better your brother is doing this than you?
• Even your little sister knows how to do this.
• Look, your best friend is doing better than you.
• You’ll never find a wife as good as your brother’s.
• Your brother and sister are so much better than you. Learn from them.

Low self-esteem can result from being compared and seen as inferior to others. 

As a result of not being valued, esteemed, wanted, desired, chosen, and accepted by their parents, children experience lower self-perceptions and self-worth​9​.

Parents’ differential treatment of siblings can also cause sibling rivalry​10​.

Blame, Shame, Toxic

• See how good your cousin is? I wish I had a daughter like her.
• It would be better if you died instead of your brother.
• I wish I never had kids.
• I wish you were never born.
• You’re the biggest mistake in my life.
• I don’t need you. You don’t do anything for me.
• I wish I had put you up for adoption.
• What did I do to deserve a child like you? Why couldn’t I have a good one?
• I wish I aborted you.
• You wrecked my marriage.
• You are the reason for my misery.
• Life would have been much easier without you.
• I gave up my dreams for you.
• I would be much better off without you.
• You are nothing but a burden to us.
• It’s your fault your mother died.
• You’re the reason behind every problem in this family.
• You ruined the family.
• I sacrificed my life for you.
• We are moving, and you are not invited.
• You will wake up one day, and never see me again.
• I kicked your father out, I can also kick you out.

Toxic parents are cruel, harsh, and critical. As a result of their psychological abuse, children feel incompetent, creating a sense of inadequacy and a sense of self that is not worthy of support​11​. 

The feeling of shame can lead to an overly self-conscious child, making it challenging for them to build and maintain future relationships​12​.

Research also shows that these awful childhood experiences may lead to various physical illnesses, substance abuse, mental health disorders, and suicide attempts​13​.

Also See: Hurtful Things Parents Say That Kids Still Remember As Adults

References