Source: Yuriy Zhuravov/Shutterstock Show You may wonder whether someone is a narcissist or a sociopath and, if it's your partner, whether or not the relationship will improve. Information can empower you. People loosely call others narcissists, but there are nine criteria, five of which are necessary to diagnose someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The following summary diagnosis is controversial: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Narcissism exists on a continuum, but someone with NPD is grandiose (sometimes only in fantasy), lacks empathy, and needs admiration from others, demonstrated by five of the following traits: 1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance and exaggerates achievements and talents 2. Dreams of unlimited power, success, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love 3. Lacks empathy for the feelings and needs of others 4. Requires excessive admiration 5. Believes he or she is special and unique and can be understood only by, or should associate only with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) 6. Unreasonably expects special, favorable treatment or compliance with his or her wishes 7. Exploits and takes advantage of others to achieve personal ends 8. Envies others or believes they’re envious of him or her 9. Has “an attitude” of arrogance or acts that way There are several types of narcissists—ranging from the common “Exhibitionist Narcissists” to “Inhibited Narcissists,” or closet narcissists. There are narcissists who aren’t vindictive and abusive. However, narcissists who exhibit all or most of the above characteristics intensely and/or frequently are considered malignant narcissists. Narcissists who have fewer and less severe symptoms, along with “narcissistic” people who don’t have full-blown NPD, can have insight, guilt, remorse, and an ability to connect emotionally, as well as to love. (See "Dealing With a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Limits with Difficult People" to determine if your loved one is capable of change and whether your relationship can improve.) Antisocial Personality Disorder The labels sociopath and psychopath have often been used interchangeably. The clinical term is “Antisocial Personality Disorder” (APD). Like NPD, it’s long-lasting and affects all situations. Sometimes permanent, personality disorders are difficult to treat. Someone with APD must have had a conduct disorder by 15 years old and show at least four of these traits:
Narcissists vs. Sociopaths Loving a narcissist is painful. Malignant narcissists are the most malicious and destructive and can look like sociopaths. Shared traits They both can be charismatic, intelligent, charming, and successful, as well as unreliable, controlling, selfish, disingenuous, and dishonest. They share exaggerated positive self-images and a sense of entitlement. For example, when they’re abusive, they believe they’re justified and deny responsibility for their behavior. They lack insight. Although they might feign appropriate emotional reactions, this is usually insincere, as they lack empathy and emotional responsiveness. Distinguishing traits While sociopaths qualify as narcissists, not all narcissists are sociopaths. What drives them differs. But the main distinction is that sociopaths are more cunning and manipulative, because their ego isn’t always at stake. In fact, they don’t have any real personality. They’re the ultimate con artists and can take on any persona that suits them. Thus, they may be harder to spot, because they’re not trying to impress you or win your approval—unless it serves their agenda. Instead of bragging, their conversation might center on you rather than on themselves, and they can even be self-effacing and apologetic if it serves their goal. A sociopath is more calculating and might premeditate aggression in advance. A narcissist is more likely to react sooner with lies and intimidation. Narcissists often work hard to achieve success, fame, and perfection, but may exploit others along the way. In contrast, sociopaths try to swindle, steal, or exploit others financially. Although both characters may be motivated to win at all costs, narcissists are more interested in what you think of them. They need others’ admiration. This makes them dependent and codependent on others and actually capable of being manipulated. They’re less likely to divorce their spouse than a sociopath, who might leave or vanish if they’re exposed or don’t get what they want. Help and Treatment If you’re in an abusive relationship, whether your partner is a narcissist or a sociopath is irrelevant. You cannot change another person, but changing your behavior will change the relationship. You need support to restore the trust in yourself and others that becomes damaged in an abusive relationship. Find help to set boundaries and raise your self-esteem. Narcissists and sociopaths don’t usually seek treatment, unless, in the case of NPD, they’re experiencing severe stress, depression, or their partner insists. Those with APD are sometimes unwillingly court-ordered to therapy, which presents problems of trust and receptivity. Therapy should focus on helping them access their feelings and learn from the negative consequences of their behavior. Many narcissists can improve with a specific treatment, and those who have insight can benefit from psychodynamic psychotherapy. If you suspect you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, learn more about narcissistic relationships and get my checklist of narcissistic behaviors. Everyone is unique, and people don’t always fit neatly into defined categories. Severe NPD resembles APD, and any differences are really irrelevant. If you’re being abused, get help immediately. Don’t be concerned with a diagnosis; instead, heal yourself from trauma or PTSD and codependency. Become assertive and set limits. Whether you’re thinking of staying or leaving the relationship, neither will be easy. Focus on gaining awareness, protecting yourself, and getting help and support. Follow the steps in Dealing With a Narcissist to raise your self-esteem and set boundaries and to evaluate the prospects for improving your relationship. When you argue and fight with an abuser, you lose. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't confront what is going on. However, you need to do so calmly and strategically. Change and a better life are definitely possible. © Darlene Lancer 2016 Facebook Image Credit: fizkes/Shutterstock When people are “difficult” to be around, it’s easy to toss off labels like psychopath or narcissist — a lot of people are using these terms interchangeably but each is a… From the workplace to your mommy playgroup to the dating world, when someone is difficult or selfish, it’s perhaps a little too easy to write them off as a narcissist, psychopath, and sociopath. While most of us have used the terms interchangeably at some point — and a narcissist might indeed share traits of a sociopath, and a sociopath can share characteristics of a psychopath — they are distinctive psychological disorders with differences that set them apart. But how can you really distinguish a psychopath vs. sociopath vs. narcissist and know when you genuinely come across one… not just an awful person at your next “Mommy and Me” class or, worse, that you’re in a relationship with? You probably don’t come across these types as much in real life as you’ve used the terms. It’s become pretty commonplace to sling these words around as generic pejoratives when dealing with particularly toxic people in our lives. But we’ve probably also watched enough true crime documentaries to realize that these terms are associated with actual diagnoses that inform a person’s behavior in pretty significant ways. And as a mom, there’s also the possibility you could find yourself asking the thing no parent wants to admit thinking but sometimes does: Am I raising a narcissist? A sociopath? A psychopath?? To help you understand (and spot) these types, we asked experts to weigh in. Keep reading to learn more about their differences and similarities — plus, what to do if you do wind up in a relationship with one. Psychopath Vs. Sociopath Vs. NarcissistFirst, let’s all agree that the reason for so much confusion between these terms is because, well, it’s confusing. There are enough similarities to see why people tend to use them interchangeably. The differences between the three, though, are crucial to consider. “Narcissism is a set of personality traits that includes a grandiose or inflated sense of self, diminished or non-existent empathy, a pattern of self-serving or self-interested behavior, a sense of entitlement, and an inability to accept or acknowledge criticism,” Sterlin Mosley tells Scary Mommy. Mosley — Professor of Human Relations at the University of Oklahoma, co-founder of Empathy Architects, and author of 27 Subtypes of Narcissism — explains that a narcissist, or someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), is only diagnosed when they meet the diagnostic criteria outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) and experience “significant impairment” in their personal or professional lives. “It’s uncommon for those with medium to highly evident narcissistic traits to seek mental health treatment (of their own accord) due to their belief that they’re generally not the problem in reference to their difficulties with others. If they do present in therapy, it’s generally alongside a spouse, partner, friend, or family member who has complaints about the narcissist’s behavior,” Mosley says. Still, narcissists are capable of feeling. “Narcissists generally think very highly of themselves but can at times experience guilt or shame if they are ‘called out’ for their selfish or inconsiderate behavior,” elaborates Mosley. “Some narcissists experience fleeting moments of remorse or guilt if they have transgressed people in their personal orbit. They may even be able to learn reparative techniques to mend broken relationships or resolve conflict. As a general rule, narcissists do not break laws or consciously commit acts of violence against others. Rather, they lack the empathy or self-awareness to consider or care about others in ways that are seen as compassionate or empathetic.” Some examples of classic narcissist behavior might include:
SociopathUnlike narcissism, sociopathy is not a clinical diagnosis. However, it is typically accompanied by traits of antisocial personality disorder (which is a clinical diagnosis). “Antisocial personality disorder comprises a set of traits that include a pervasive tendency toward deception or deviance, impulsivity, irritability, aggression, recklessness, and a lack of empathy or callous treatment of others,” Mosley tells us. So, how are narcissists and psychopaths different? “Sociopaths tends to exhibit more pervasive disregard for laws, rules, or norms and may flout those norms without regard or concern for others,” says Mosley, adding, “Sociopaths tend to be more calculated than narcissists in that they play a ‘long game’ in order to get their immediate needs or desires filled. They may enjoy toying with others and find deception and manipulation necessary and even exciting.” Making the sociopath even more complex? While many are cruel or callous, some are “quite charming.” Their behavior “may go undetected” by others for a long period of time. And although some sociopaths have a higher incidence of psychopathy (more on that in a minute), not all psychopaths are violent — at least “not in obvious ways,” according to Mosley. Other examples of sociopathic traits include:
Then there’s psychopathy. Explains Mosley, “Psychopathy is a neurological and psychological disorder whereby a person displays poor impulse or behavior control and a propensity toward callous or unsympathetic behavior, which results in tendencies toward social deviance and criminal behavior. Psychopaths are more readily violent than sociopaths but may be equally as calculated. They tend to lack the charm of sociopaths but can at times enjoy toying with or manipulating others as a form of entertainment.” Are all psychopaths extreme offenders, then? “Contrary to popular belief, not all psychopaths are serial killers, rapists, or murderers. However, it is easier for psychopaths to commit such crimes because they lack the impulse control, empathy, or respect for boundaries, laws, or norms which prevent most people from committing such crimes,” says Mosley. There is, therefore, some overlap between a sociopath and a psychopath. A critical difference between the two? Sociopathy is due to environmental factors (traumatic upbringing, poverty, etc.), while psychopathy is regarded as innate. Examples of psychotic traits may include:
Narcissism in ChildrenDoctors can’t diagnose narcissism until a child turns 18 years old. Even then, some researchers feel as though it isn’t until 25 that a person’s personality is concretized. “Children are not diagnosed with narcissism but rather often receive diagnoses of conduct disorder, ADHD, or other more age-appropriate designations,” says Mosley. “While conduct behavior can be a precursor to narcissistic traits, this is not always the case. Seeking the counsel of a knowledgeable pediatric mental health professional is vital before labeling a child narcissistic. Some narcissistic traits, if recognized early, can be managed and, through behavioral interventions, sometimes eliminated in children.” There is currently no standard test for psychopathy or sociopathy in children. However, a growing number of psychologists view these as distinct neurological conditions that can be identified in children. To do so, they use a combination of psychological exams and rating scales, like the Inventory of Callous-Unemotional Trails and the Child Psychopathy Scale. But many psychologists believe psychopathy and sociopathy, much like narcissism, cannot be diagnosed in children for both ethical reasons (a misdiagnosis here could be devastating) and their changing behavior as they grow up. A child’s more likely diagnosis would be conduct disorder or oppositional defiant disorder. Still, as a parent, it’s vital to trust your gut regarding your kid’s behavior. “In the case of a child, it’s paramount to act quickly when you notice strange signs (e.g., a child who at an early age shows unusual violence towards inanimate objects, and later live animals, might show early signs of antisocial behavior),” says Dr. Raffaello Antonino — a counseling psychologist, senior lecturer at the Doctorate in Counselling Psychology at London Metropolitan University, and clinical director/founder of Therapy Central. “If caught early and with the right professional help, children [exhibiting certain antisocial personality traits] can develop into fully functioning adults who are able to relate healthily towards the world, despite their difficulty.” Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, or Psychopaths“Being in a relationship with someone who suffers from any of these disorders can be extremely unpleasant, dangerous, and even life-threatening,” advises Dr. Antonino. “First, if you’re suffering physical or emotional violence, you should immediately end the relationship and move away from the abusive partner, even if it feels incredibly difficult. If things are going well but [you feel] that something simply isn’t right, you should get a second opinion. What do the other people think about your partner? Do they notice the same problems?” Dr. Antonino also notes that you may need to intervene in a loved one’s relationship (and sooner rather than later). “The same goes if you suspect someone from your family dates a sociopath, psychopath, or narcissist. Victims of abuse sometimes feel ashamed and don’t want to talk about their problems. Therefore, it’s even more important to act immediately, especially if you notice there’s foul play involved — empathizing with your family member while searching for the best way to separate them from the abuser.” Experts: Sterlin Mosley, Professor of Human Relations at the University of Oklahoma and co-founder of Empathy Architects Dr. Raffaello Antonino, senior lecturer at the Doctorate in Counselling Psychology at London Metropolitan University and clinical director/founder of Therapy Central References: American Psychiatric Association, and American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: DSM-5. Arlington, VA. https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm This article was originally published on 1.28.2022 |
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