Illustration by Kim Smith
You hear the th-thud-thud of four paws hitting the floor when you stand up from the couch. You nearly take a tumble while carrying a large pot of water over to the sink because someone is underfoot. Or maybe you haven’t used the bathroom alone in years. All of these are signs that you are lucky enough to have a cat that doesn’t want to leave your side. This one is pretty clear-cut, but if your buddy is always following you around, you can bet that your cat loves you a whole bunch. Consider bringing him to your work, school, or other social functions—a built in conversation piece and amazing lifestyle choice all in one!
Belly Up
A cat’s stomach is his most vulnerable spot. By showing you his belly, your cat is revealing that he is comfortable enough with you to be unguarded and at his most vulnerable. And if your cat rolls on his back and allows you to rub his tummy? You’ve hit the big time! This is the ultimate sign of trust. WARNING: A tummy rub can turn violent on a moment’s notice. You may have to live with some light scarring. Cats are capricious.
#3
They Leave You “Gifts” (Also Known As Bringing You Dead Things)
Though these gifts might be of dubious distinction (or, yes, downright disgusting), do not chastise your cat for leaving you an offering. It is a sign of his esteem for you. When your cat drags the lifeless carcass of a small animal to your bedside, it can be difficult to take it as the compliment that it is, but it unequivocally means she is totally into you. Bringing you the “treat” of a dead mouse, dead bird, or, if you are luckier, the toy version of same, is sign that your cat thinks of you as family and wants to provide for you. Like all gifts, it’s the thought that counts; accept it graciously (once you’ve finished dry-heaving).
Head Butts and Cheek Rubs
When you see your cat coming at you with her head cocked, brace yourself, you’re in store for a good head butt! Head butts are like a hug from your cat and are one way she tries to mix your scents together to cement your bond. Closely related to head butts are cheek rubs. If your cat is milling around your legs, try holding your hand (with a closed fist) near her head to see if she rubs her cheeks on your knuckles. Both head butts and cheek rubs are self-guided pets that mean your cat is marking you as her own. Receive these with pride.
# 5
Visiting You for Nighttime Cuddles
Your best feline friend can be a secretive creature and will often not want to show his affections for his human to anyone—including you. As a result, your best cuddle session may just happen when you are fast asleep. You may be drooling and your hair might be a real mess, but your cat is using this time to express his love on his own terms. Just because you aren’t awake to share in it, doesn’t diminish its significance. Your cat coming to you in the night and sitting on your chest, face, or side is a sure-fire sign that she loves you.
# 6
Offering a Slow Blink
Cats do a lot of talking with their eyes and one very special way they say “I love you” is through the slow blink. When a cat is happy and content with you, she may just look over and slowly close and reopen her eyes. In this they are saying, “Hey friend, I love you, and I feel comfortable enough around you to let my guard down.” This is basically a marriage proposal from a cat and the best response is a reciprocated slow blink accompanied by the warm feeling in your heart from the certainty that your cat loves you. (Helpful tip: The slow blink is also a great way to introduce yourself in a non-threatening way to a new cat to show that you mean no harm.)
# 7
Kneading or “Making Biscuits”
There are competing theories about why exactly cats knead. One theory holds that adult cats forever associate kneading with the comfort of nursing (kittens knead to stimulate their mother’s milk production), so when a cat kneads near her human, it shows she is relaxed and comfortable with her family. If that’s not love, what is? And when that kneading happens on your lap and is accompanied by purring and an intense, searching gaze, you know you have one content cat on your hands!
# 8
The Tail Has It
Cats often greet people they like with a question-mark-shaped tail. Pay attention to your cat’s tail to judge how happy she is to see you. (For more on reading feline body language, check out moderncat.com/felinebodylanguage).
# 9
Hanging Out In Your Space
Cats will show animosity or discomfort, particularly with strangers, by simply vacating the premises. Your cat may not be overly affectionate, but if she’s always in the same room you’re in—even if she seems to not be paying you any attention—then she values your company. Simply put, not all cats are lap cats; this is frequently misunderstood as aloofness or indifference, but sometimes proximity is all a cat needs to be happy with you. We call these special guys Nearby Cats. Your Nearby Cat is just out of reach on the couch, at the foot of your bed, or in an adjacent chair in the living room. This reserved fellow loves you just as much as those showy lap cats. Trust us.
Scientists claim that cats show no attachment to their owners. Au contraire: the evidence of their love and devotion is obvious and abundant
- Not a cat person? Click here for 25 ways your dog loves you
“Face it, your cat doesn’t care about you,” reads one headline. “Cats do not need their owners, scientists conclude,” reads another. Poor cats, always getting bad PR. As if it wasn’t enough that Australia has declared war on feral cats, we now have a study that says cats don’t need their owners. The research, from the University of Lincoln, adapted the Ainsworth “strange situation” test, developed in the 1970s to observe just how attached children, and sometimes dogs (idiots), are to their caregivers. They found that when you put a cat in an unfamiliar room it does not look for reassurance from its owner or seem to miss them if they are absent. There’s one potential explanation for this, it strikes me: cats, unlike children and dogs (idiots), are territorial – put them in a strange room and they will be too busy freaking out to look for reassurance. But that doesn’t matter. The myth of the independent cat who sees humans as nothing more than handy food dispensers is firmly entrenched. As a cat owner, I am deluded enough to think that my cat loves me. And I have been racking my brain, and asking everyone I know, to come up with hard evidence of this fact.
1. Greets you at the door. One colleague’s cat recognises the sound of her husband’s car in a busy street, and another’s two cats sit on the garden wall waiting for her to come home from work.
2. Follows you around. Does your cat come and hang out with you, in a sort of casual, hey what are you doing, oh taking a shower, well, I’ll just sit down then, way? That’s love.
If you live with a cat, you live with a weirdo: your tales of feline oddity | Guardian Readers3. Stares at you. Unsettling. But cats only make direct eye contact with people they really like.
4. Blinks at you. A long slow blink is a cat equivalent of a kiss. Do it back. But only if no one is watching.
5. Meows. Cats do not meow to other cats, only to humans. This is my best cat fact. Your cat is talking to you. Your cat is telling you it loves you. Also: purring. Loudly.
6. Tolerates affection. My cat lets me kiss her, even though she clearly doesn’t like it. She may duck, but she doesn’t run away, and I consider this a victory.
7. Does not bite you. My cat has bitten all of my boyfriends to date. She has never, ever bitten me.
8. Does bite you. Biting playfully is a sign of affection. My cat doesn’t do this, she never plays. She is a sort of sentient, fluffy cushion, but I love her anyway.
9. Head-butts you. When cats do this they are depositing their pheromones on you, and marking you as “theirs”. They love you, they really love you.
10. Comes to fetch you. When my cat feels I’ve been in bed too long, she comes upstairs and meows until I get up. I now close the bedroom door at night.
11. Breaks into your bedroom. Does your cat repeatedly thump the door, scratch the carpet or mew loudly and constantly outside the door? Love. I now shut my cat in another room at night.
12. Touches you. One of my friend’s cats taps her with his paw. Unbearably cute. A colleague’s cat caresses her face. Someone else has trained their cat to kiss them on the lips. Aw.
13, Licks you. An honour – you are considered part of your cat’s family. (Also their tongues are rough and provide excellent exfoliation.)
14. Kneads you. Like dough. Kittens do this to their mothers when they are feeding to increase milk supply, ergo your cat thinks you are its mother and adores you.
15. Brings you presents. Cats love giving gifts! Popular choices are mice and birds, but don’t discount frogs or worms.
16. Gets jealous. It took me ages to work out that my cat was jealous of my computer – but she definitely is.
17. Trips you up. Annoying perhaps, fatal, in the end (for you, not the cat). But when cats throw themselves to the ground in front of you or weave through your legs as you walk downstairs carrying a heavy tray of crockery, they are obviously telling you they idolise you.
18. Makes a point. As my friend Jennifer said, when her cat pooed on her duvet immediately after she returned home from holiday: “If he didn’t care, would he bother? I like to think not.”
19. Sulks. When I returned from a 10-day trip my cat refused to come out of the study for two days. But she wasn’t aloof enough to stop herself meowing delightedly whenever I went in there.
20. Sits on your lap. Constantly. If I am seated for more than a few seconds the cat materialises. A friend had a cat that tried to sit on her lap when she was on the loo.
21. Sits on other parts of you. Like your head.
22. Shows you their belly – the most vulnerable part of the cat. They trust you.
23. Stays. Or as my friend John says: “They let you live in the same house as they do.”
24. Doesn’t say no when you repeatedly ask “do you love me?” I take my cat’s silence on this issue as acquiescence.
25. And finally … maybe your cat doesn’t love you. At least, not in the way you think. There’s no need to anthropomorphise them. Cat love, I suspect, is deeper, truer and more mysterious than the human variety.
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