How long does it take for a guy to forget you?

We all have one person… or two… that we want to erase from our memory. If you’re staying up all night thinking about that one person and wondering how to forget someone you love or pretend they never existed, don’t worry, you’ll soon be able to sleep soundly.

It may seem like you’re the only one who’s spending days, months, even years thinking about how to forget the person who broke your heart – but you’re definitely not alone.

When you first break up with someone, it can often feel like the very worst thing in the world. You wonder how to forget about someone, and how you could possibly start to move on when it hurts so much.

The good news is that this feeling will pass. Time is the greatest healer, and in time, you will find yourself thinking about that person less and less until eventually, you wonder what all the fuss was about. [Read: How to let go of someone you love by hating them first]

How can something that feels so good hurt so bad? 

Here we have the multimillion-dollar question when it comes to dating and relationships. How can something fulfilling and pure suddenly turn into pain and loss?

There’s a saying that goes, “the greater the love, the greater the pain.” That’s true. When you love someone with your entire being, it will hurt to the point of no return when you lose them.

You can’t just go back to life before you knew them. So remember, when love hurts so much, it’s because you loved them with your entire being.

You gave everything in your capability, and you might’ve even imagined a real future with them, only for all of that to vanish into thin air in a fraction of a moment. [Read: 30 secrets to get over someone fast and not give a damn anymore]

When you lose the one you love, be it over a breakup or something worse, you learn to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and learn how to forget someone you love. Even if you don’t want to, you need to.

Otherwise, the pain of losing someone you love will cloud every part of your life and it may feel impossible to go on with your life. So why does love suddenly transform into pain without a second of a doubt? It’s because the lines between love and pain can easily be crossed, and it’s why the most significant risk of love is pain.

When you take a leap of faith to fall for someone, you will eventually get your heart broken – or you’ll break theirs. Even if it wasn’t your intention, it’s inevitable. [Read: Why does love hurt so much when it goes bad? The truth you need to know]

Why do you need to forget someone you love deeply?

We know what you’re thinking – why do you need to forget someone you love? When a breakup occurs, when you lose them, and when you need to part ways, it’s essential to learn to grieve and move on. The relationship has come to an end, and you need to start by accepting this wholeheartedly.

Even after all the memories and experiences you’ve been through together, you need to forget. Or at least, your heart needs to forget what your mind already knows. People break up for a lot of reasons, some of which are beyond our control or understanding.

While you’re allowed to sulk and eat a tub of ice cream as you cry your feelings out to The Notebook, you eventually need to learn how to forget someone you love. You won’t be able to move on and live your life fully if you don’t *and potentially find another lover*. [Read: How to move on from a break up without compromising your dignity]

How to forget them and get over someone you love for good

Learning how to forget someone you love isn’t easy, especially when you can’t help but think of them every single moment.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re with friends, watching a movie, or staring at a blank wall. They’re always on your mind! But here are some helpful tips to cleanse your mind and forget someone. [Read: 13 essentials that’ll help you move on from someone really fast]

1. Accept that it didn’t work out

Don’t be one of those people that cannot accept the fact that what you wanted didn’t work out. You’ll be able to forget someone you love much easier if you just accept what happened. Holding on to an imagined glimmer of hope will not serve you well.

It’s true, things could change but in the meantime accept the facts of the situation and don’t dwell on it. That way you won’t be hopeful for some classic chick flick outcome where the person who broke your heart shows up at your door with a wedding ring and begs for you to get back together. It’s not going to happen.

2. Learn from Disney

You should listen to the Disney song, Let It Go. We know the 2013 movie is a decade old, but these Disney songs can sometimes be very real. Let it go. It’s hard to get over someone, but it’s the only way that you’ll be able to free your mind and heart.

If you accept what happened, then the next step is to understand that, and then make a promise to yourself that you must move forward. [Read: Is it truly time to let go? 14 reasons why good relationships end badly]

3. Couch vs. the outdoors

Don’t do what so many do and eat ice cream on your couch. Get your shoes on, and go for a walk. Go to the market. Go to the cafe. See your friends. Yes, your heart is broken but you’re still breathing – don’t allow someone to take your time away from you.

4. Could you have tried harder?

Don’t you even dare, “what if…”. No. Stop it. Don’t look back. If you did this or you did that, it wouldn’t have changed anything. Thinking, “what if I tried harder?” will do nothing but aggravate your mind.

Sure, you could have done this or that, you could have done hundreds of different things, but you didn’t.

And in all honesty, even if you did, would that have changed anything? You’ll never know. So, if you truly want to know how to forget someone who has a hold over your heart, let that go. It happened. It’s over. Now, move forward. [Read: How to stop being angry, free your mind and stop hurting yourself]

5. Plan your revenge from afar!

If you’re feeling down and out, there’s no point sulking. To forget someone, one of the best ways is to focus on yourself. This is a great chance to look within and develop yourself. Join a pottery class, take up a sport – do something that makes you feel good about yourself.

It’s really easy to sit on the couch until your muscles start to melt. But if you’re not motivated to work on yourself, let’s think of it in a different way.

What if you run into this person you still love, in a couple of months. The best revenge is looking better now than when you were with them! [Read: Play it cool – 14 things to keep in mind when you bump into your ex]

6. You’re suffering, but what about them?

The best way to learn how to forget someone you love? Just stay away from them. We know, you want to stalk them and see if they’re suffering just like you, but it’s not a good idea if your goal is to forget about someone.

You need to cleanse yourself of this person – body, mind, and soul. If you guys have the same mutual friends, perhaps taking some time away from them as well will help you get over them.

Basically, anything that reminds you of them, you need to avoid. Forgetting someone you care for will take strength, but you can do it. At least until your eyes don’t look so red and puffy.

7. Where is your attention right now?

If your life has been revolving around this person, the best way to know how to forget someone is to change your lifestyle. This can be done by working on yourself, however, you can also try for a new job, change cities, or make new friends.

Making these types of changes will focus your attention on something else that is bigger than a relationship that’s crumbled to dust. This won’t guarantee that you will completely forget about him or her, but it will help you and force you to do new things without that person. [Read: 12 easy steps for a dramatic lifestyle change and a new life makeover]

8. Your common friends can hurt you

You’ll have to do this. Having the same friends as the person you’re trying to forget is brutal. When you try to move on, your mutual friends may keep bringing their name up in conversation or asking you how you’re doing. Though your friends are trying to be supportive, you don’t need the constant reminder.

Having friends who don’t know the person can be a blessing since they won’t bombard you with questions or nervously tell you that that person is now dating someone new. [Read: 16 unique and exciting ways to meet new people and form a new crowd in no time]

9. Imagine they’ve vanished

Don’t talk to the person. Don’t do it, please, don’t do it. Let go of the past and try to move on with life because there ain’t nothing but trouble there.

Don’t text them, don’t call them, don’t Snapchat them, don’t Instagram “heart” them, don’t Facebook message them, don’t Whatsapp them, don’t pigeon mail them.

Literally do not contact them. How can you forget someone if you keep on talking to them? Exactly! [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always, always works]

10. To think or not to think?

Don’t try to remove this person from your mind. If you’re trying to stop thinking about this person, it won’t work. It’ll actually make you think about them so much more. Accept that this could take months or even longer, and that’s okay.

So, if you want to understand how to forget someone, don’t sit on the couch thinking to yourself, “I need to get over him/her”. You’ll just get yourself thinking about how you don’t want to get over them. The mind is a crazy thing, eh?

11. Bust out your ghosting moves

Block and delete them on all your social media accounts. Delete them from everything – Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat. You will cyberstalk the hell out of them – trust us.

The only way to avoid this is to completely remove them from your life. It’ll be hard to do it, but after a month or two, you’ll stop going to their Facebook page – you probably don’t believe us yet, but you will. [Read: Letting go of someone you love – 15 steps to make it really easy]

12. Bring out your inner Shakespeare

Write your feelings down. You need to express your feelings – this is the only way to process what happened and to help gain clarity and internal peace. You probably have a lot of emotions to process and writing can help you do that.

So, grab a journal, a pen, and start writing. Even if your first sentence is, “I don’t know what to write,” write that down. Sooner or later, you’ll start gaining momentum and those feelings will start pouring out onto the page. [Read: 10 stages of heartbreak and how to get through every one of them]

13. What’s your new agenda?

Get yourself orientated with goals. Start with small goals to keep yourself busy and productive. Your goal doesn’t have to be grand or super significant. It can be simple, just as long as it helps you get through this phase to learn how to forget someone and distract yourself enough to actually get over them completely.

Remember, this is a phase to help you forget someone you once loved dearly. You will get through this. So, set up some goals. Every day you will write in your journal for ten minutes or listen to music before you go to bed. [Read: How to focus on yourself – 27 powerful ways to create your own sunshine]

14. Pack your bags

It’s time to get out and see the world. There’s no point moping around your house, waiting for them to change. Get a train ticket, plane ticket, or bus ticket – it doesn’t matter how you travel just as long as you take the time to see the world you live in.

Trust us, once you see what the world holds, you’ll be wondering why you’re wasting your time on that person. [Read: How to get over a broken heart – Seriously, the only guide you’ll ever need]

15. Time is a healer

Yeah, time. We know it’s cliche but time really does heal all things. It may take days, months, or years, but life goes on and eventually, that person will slowly and unconsciously leave your mind. [Read: 10 signs you’re still lovesick and 10 ways to get out of it ASAP]

16. Get in touch with your emotions

When you are trying to figure out how to forget about someone you love, the worst thing you can do is try to bury your negative feelings. You need to be able to understand what happened and talk it through.

Writing a journal, talking with friends, going to see a therapist – however you need to deal with it and how you are feeling, do it. Expressing how you feel and coming to terms with it will help you move on with your life. No more bottling things up!

17. Make peace with the mistakes you made

It is very rare that someone leaves a relationship without having some regrets over their own behavior. It is easy to continue to go back to those moments when you wish you had said or done something different. We’ve already said not to sit thinking about them but you have to own your real mistakes.

While it can be healthy to explore and learn from our mistakes, if you keep revisiting them, you will find it hard to forget them or to even let go.

There has to be a point where you forgive yourself and move on. Put the past in the past, and use your mistakes to understand yourself better and improve. [Read: 11 determined steps to get over a breakup that you caused]

18. Be kind to yourself

When you are going through a difficult period like trying to figure out how to forget about someone because it is hurting you, it’s important to take care of yourself.

If you are finding it tough to get over someone you still love, you may end up getting frustrated with yourself and annoyed when you don’t seem able to let go.

Remind yourself that this is a sensitive and difficult time, so you need to be kind to yourself in order to heal and get stronger.

Do nice things for yourself. Hang out with friends or family, watch a movie, go for a massage. Try to remember that you cannot force yourself to get over someone too quickly. You need to give yourself time. [Read: How to survive the first 168 hours after a breakup]

19. Get rid of reminders

When you feel ready, you need to get rid of the reminders that keep you holding onto those negative emotions and memories. Gather up their things, as well as photos, gifts, DVDs, even food they’ve left or souvenirs that remind you of times gone by.

If you can’t face throwing them out, simply store them in a box or bag somewhere where they can be out of sight.

20. Stay focused on the here and now

Take every day as it comes, and try to keep focused on the day and stay in the present. Inner peace isn’t easy when your mind wants to run in a million directions, but take time to heal and try your best to focus on your immediate surroundings and day to day events, at least for now.

If you feel your mind wandering to the person you are trying to forget, try to bring yourself back. Always wake up with the mindset of trying to have the very best day you can.

Changing your routine and focusing on new things will help take your mind off the person you are trying to forget. If you want to give your mind some peace, sign up for new activities like a class, join the gym, or do something relaxing such as yoga or meditation.

22. Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Trying to figure out how to forget about someone you love can feel like a lonely task, but spending time with others can really help you focus on what great people you have around you. Tell your friends and family how you are feeling, ask them to keep you busy, and take your mind off things. [Read: Breakup advice – The best tips you need right now and the ones that WILL harm you]

23. Find some space

Sometimes taking a vacation or getting away for a few days can be just what you need to clear your head and come back with renewed determination and a fresh perspective.

Creating new memories somewhere else and leaving sad, troubling thoughts of lost love far behind you can really help. If you can take some time off, then visit the places you’ve always wanted to visit.

If not, just find some space, even if it means going for a walk in the countryside. Time to think and clear your head will do you the power of good. [Read: The 8 most common post-breakup mistakes you need to avoid]

24. Stay positive

Nothing drags us down and tramples our hearts as much as negativity. On the other hand, staying positive can really help when it comes to learning how to forget someone you love. If you can, why not start a ‘positivity journal?’ Any notebook will do.

Here you can write down three positive things that you feel thankful for each day. This will help you end the day in a happy frame of mind knowing that there are things in your life that are good.

Staying focused on what’s important to you and the great things in your life will help remind you that life goes on without this person.

Remember the good things you have in your life, there are still things to be grateful for, and the more you think about these things, the more you’ll appreciate them and feel like you will get over this. [Read: Positive vibes – 17 ways to welcome positive energy into your life]

25. Write down the reasons why you want to forget them

Writing things down can make everything so much clearer. Recalling and recording your feelings about that particular relationship as honestly as possible will help you look at it objectively and give you clarity as to why you want to forget them and move on.

Think about how they made you feel, how they made you act, and what went wrong. Don’t blame them, don’t hate them, or try to make everything their fault. Allow yourself to feel the pain and emotions, but instead of holding on to those feelings, accept this moment as closure and try to let go of those negative feelings.

Objectively seeing things can also be helpful when it comes to pinpointing and understanding patterns and themes that led to the relationship breakdown. [Read: How to move on and deal with a breakup with a smile]

26. Don’t push people away

People who go through a breakup end up doing one of two things – isolating themselves from the rest of the world, or being so afraid of being alone that they go out excessively.

More often than not, it’s the first one that people tend to do. So no matter how easy it is to isolate yourself from everyone, refrain from doing this because it’ll only make you feel worse over time.

Your loved ones are there to support and help you, so don’t push them away. You’ll feel so much better when you surround yourself around your best friends and family! So plan a sleepover with your besties, drink tequila, and you can make a night out of it.

We know we said drinking isn’t a good way to cope, but if it’s having a couple of drinks with your friends, why not? Just as long as you don’t make a habit out of it, or down one too many! [Read: How long does it take to get over someone – The exact timeline for complete peace]

27. Improve yourself

The best way to learn how to forget someone you love is to focus on your own personal development. So hit the gym, focus on your aspirations and new experiences, work on your career, put up a business, do whatever it takes to become better. Most importantly, don’t do it for them, but do it for yourself.

Show them what a massive loss it was losing you by becoming the best version of yourself. When you’re successful, happy, and thriving, you won’t even think for a second about the person you used to love.

You’ll be so focused on improving and growing that you’ll naturally prioritize yourself. You’ll still miss them, but they won’t occupy your mind as much anymore. [Read: How to improve yourself – 16 powerful secrets of self-improvement]

28. Exercise 

You need something that will effectively take your mind off the person you loved. Exercise is a great way to learn how to forget someone you love because not only will it make you feel good, but it keeps you out of your own head. Especially if your thoughts are consumed by them, exercise will benefit you so much.

There’s a reason why people who are going through breakups or a tough time focus on consistently exercising. Similar to the suggestion above, it’s a self-improvement habit that can help you heal from all the pain of trying to forget someone.

Exercise is therapeutic and reminds you what it feels like to be alive at that moment. [Read: 30 inspirational tips on how to get motivated to exercise]

29. Think of their flaws 

When a relationship ends, we tend to focus on the good moments instead of the bad. So you need to focus on their flaws if you want to forget someone you love. Focus on how you hate it when they leave the door open or how they never have any time for you.

It’s difficult to remember their flaws when you’re so consumed by how much you love them, but it’s always there. You just need to remember what they are and focus on those flaws.

This will help you see that they’re not so perfect after all, and you might even see a few red flags about them! [Read: 34 very big relationship red flags most people ignore until they break up!]

30. Change up your home environment 

When your ex-lover spends so much time at your place, everything will be a reminder of them. No matter how hard you try, their presence will be lingering, especially when the pain and heartbreak are still fresh. So it’s essential to change your environment and go outside if you have to!

You can also opt for a makeover for your space and rearrange or redecorate it completely, so you don’t have to be constantly reminded of your ex and the cozy spots all the time.

All you need is a change of environment to realize that just because you lost them, it doesn’t mean your life is instantly over. [Read: 22 steps to truly find your happiness after a breakup]

31. Find yourself again

This is an important one in learning how to forget someone you love. We often lose ourselves time and time again in relationships, because it’s easy to be consumed with love. It’s not always a bad thing, but we also tend to give parts of ourselves away for someone who ended up being the wrong person.

So as you’re trying to learn how to forget someone you love, it’s time to find yourself again. Focus on your hobbies and interests, find out who you are again, and learn new things about yourself.

You’ll be surprised how much you discover about yourself when you really take the time to find yourself. [Read: How to find yourself when you feel like you’ve lost your way]

32. Get yourself out there

We’re not saying you need to jump into a new relationship immediately when you’re still trying to recover from your last one. But if a significant amount of time has passed *take a few months if you want!*, it could do you a lot of good to get yourself out there! This will go a long way when learning how to forget someone you love.

It doesn’t have to be anything serious; it could just be as simple as you having fun!

You know what they say – the best way to get over someone and forget them is to find someone new. There is plenty of fish in the sea, after all! Who knows what life has in store for you? [Read: How to start dating again – 9 steps to get back in the game]

33. Learn from the lesson

There’s a saying that goes something like this, we meet someone either for a lesson or for a lifetime. So if things didn’t exactly work out, learn from the lesson that the relationship brought in your life.

Did they teach you what real love felt like? Did they remind you to never settle for less? Or, did they give you hope that love can be found even after pain? Look back and reflect on what the lesson might be, and don’t forget it. [Read: 15 lessons you can learn from your own breakups]

34. Accept that you may never forget them completely

This isn’t Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or Men in Black. We can’t hook you up to a machine and erase all the memories of this person you love deeply from your head. Though, we bet business would be booming if we could have those gizmos in real life!

But the point is, you can’t forget them in the sense of removing them from your mind. So, don’t focus on “forgetting” them per se, but rather moving on from them. [Read: Dealing with heartbreak and all the steps to do it the right way]

35. Seek closure

Now, most have a hard time moving on because they feel that they didn’t get the closure they needed as if they have unfinished business.

So, in order to move on, find closure. Speak to the person, write them a letter, just get everything you want to say out. But, if you’re unable to do that, write it down anyway. It helps you get everything in your mind out. [Read: The 20 best questions to ask your ex after a breakup to find complete closure]

36. Don’t hate them

If you actively feel hatred towards them, you prevent yourself from moving on. In essence, they actually become the center of your world which is the opposite of what you want to happen.

Forgive them and move on and avoid turning your feelings to hate. [Read: 15 positive ways to forgive someone and unburden your mind]

37. Talk positively about them

Yes, this isn’t going to be easy, but it’s necessary. Now, this doesn’t mean that you think they’re amazing and that you love them.

Instead, think about the time you had with them and associate it with it being a learning experience. You spent time with them, good and bad. Now, it’s in the past.

Listen, you may think you can’t live without them, but here’s the thing, you can. You had a life before them and you just need to develop a routine without them in it.

Accept that you don’t need anyone else to live your life – you have to know that. [Read: 16 tips to understand how to be single after a relationship]

39. What did you see in them?

It’s important to use this opportunity to reflect on your relationship with this person. Why were you friends or lovers with this person? Why did you form a relationship with this person?

It’s important to reflect on this because there are some situations when you realize you actually didn’t love this person like you thought you did.

41. Acknowledge that you’re going to think about them sometimes

Even if you get over this person, there will be moments when you think about them. The point is not to force yourself to think about them.

If you do think about them, later, think about why they came to your mind. And then, tell yourself that yes, your relationship ended, but there are more relationships to come in the future. [Read: Is your past relationship holding you back from a better life?]

42. Don’t allow yourself to hope

This is what keeps people from moving on, hope. Don’t hope if you want to forget someone you once loved.

Maybe you think they’ll come back, and in some cases, they will. But the worst thing to do is to hope for that to happen, and feel disappointed. Instead, accept the relationship is over, this helps you to move on quicker. Plus, if that person doesn’t come back, you won’t be disappointed.

So, what are the best ways to forget someone you love and let go?

The answer to learning to forget someone you love won’t be easy. It will take a lot of trial and error before you successfully take them off your mind. Even when you do, there will still be fleeting moments where you’ll miss them. That’s okay!

You won’t forget them overnight and that’s okay, especially because you loved them wholeheartedly. But eventually, time will heal your heart, and you’ll get there. 

You’ll feel so many emotions when trying to get over someone. You’ll feel sadness, grief, anger, frustration, pain, loneliness, and heartache, and it can be a very confusing, challenging, and a painfully slow process.

But, once you’re through it, you’ll feel stronger than you did before.

[Read: How to come out of a relationship stronger than ever when it ends]

It’s never easy to learn how to forget someone you love, especially when they gave you so much to remember. But with some effort and these rules, one day not far from today, you’ll look back and see just how easy it really was.

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